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HBO Lena Dunham in the season finale of “Girls. ”. “Time is a rubber band. ”. A mere two weeks ago, on Episode 8 of HBO’s “Girls,” we witnessed Jessa and Marnie’s pseudo-Sapphic moment, orchestrated largely to arouse a random guy they had just met at a bar.
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The guy, played by Chris O’Dowd —you may remember him as the sweet traffic cop from “Bridesmaids”—was a venture capitalist, an occupation that Jessa thought “sounds like some sort of explorer. This suited individual was presented as a stereotypical poseur. He used phrases like “little boy’s room” to describe the bathroom, and words like “mosey” to describe the act of departing. He lived amid Dell-computers-turned-DJ-stations in a luxury apartment building in Brooklyn.
He quoted “Oliver Twist. ” Marnie, still reeling from her breakup with Charlie, thought he was hot. Jessa disagreed, (I think): “His face is sort of very cereal boxy,” she said.
Back at the apartment, things didn’t go well for the venture capitalist. True, Jessa and Marnie made out. But, despite noble efforts on the VC’s part to get in on the action, he wound up being cut out of the deal. The evening’s coup de grâce: Marnie accidentally kicks over a glass of red wine on her host’s $10,000 rug, inspiring an embarrassing tirade about what it means to work hard for one’s money. Jessa and Marnie flee. We thought we would never hear from this fool again, which is what would have happened if this wasn’t a television show.
But this is a television show. It is the season finale of the most talked-about show on television. and thus a deliciously opportune moment to reconnect with the douchey venture capitalist from Episode 8. The finale opens as Marnie is in the process of moving out of the apartment she shared with Hannah (and, of late, Adam) and into the apartment Shoshanna shares with Jessa. As Adam moves a mattress and a chair down the stairs, Hannah is, of course, complaining and getting in the way. To distract her, Adam says “Look! There’s an ice cream truck,” which proves effective. Shosh, simultaneously, is freaking out because she hasn’t heard from Jessa “for a full 24-7.
” We soon discover, via text message delivered to Ray’s phone at Grumpy’s coffee shop, that Jessa is planning a big party. It’s the most important party of her life, the cryptic text message says. It is formal and starts at 7pm. What the party is for is anybody’s guess.
Everyone convenes at an ivy-covered Mystery Party venue. Hannah arrives in a floral dress, her hair in a loose chignon. Adam tells Hannah she looks “very beautiful. ” His inner light is shining through his mismatched plaid ensemble and we are starting to feel more love for him, despite his peculiar behavior all season.
There is a lot of speculation as to the purpose of this gathering, and someone suggests it may be an orgy in the grand tradition of Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut. ”. Then the Officiant emerges. He is played by the avuncular Bobby Moynihan, of “Saturday Night Live” fame. “I’m sure you’re all wondering what you’re doing here or who you are going to be doing it with,” he says to the assembled crowd. We think for a moment, “Maybe this IS an ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ party!” And that would be awesome.
Then we see him: the Venture Capitalist. Marnie can’t believe it. “Oh my God,” she says. “That’s…the guy who tried to have a three-way with me and Jessa. ” It turns out that he has a name–Thomas John–and we are at his wedding. Jessa then emerges onto the scene in a veil and a vintage YSL-style white dress that would have looked smashing on Bianca Jagger in 1976. “As some of you might have guessed, we are getting married,” she says.
Yes, Thomas John the creepy venture capitalist, in an unusual turn of events, had managed to woo Jessa, the free-spirited young woman who wears kimonos and who declared earlier in the season that “dates are for lesbians. ” And he accomplished this feat in the span of two weeks. Nobody could believe it — not me, not the guests at the wedding, nobody.
The one exception perhaps was Adam, who has the soul of a poet and found the whole bizarre spectacle to be emotionally riveting. “I’m very moved. People finding each other, taking shelter,” he says, looking into Hannah’s increasingly skeptical eyes. As Thomas removes Jessa’s veil–he whispers “free the bird” in a gross way–Marnie claps in appreciation of her friend’s complete unpredictability, if not of the union itself. As she throws her garter belt at the guests, Jessa declares “Your dreams are not what you thought they’d be. ”.
The unusual and sort of depressing statement made me think about Jessa’s recent pow-wow with Katherine, for whom she was once employed as a babysitter. (That is, until Katherine’s husband Jeff hit on her, putting the kibosh on the whole gig. ) Last week you may recall when Katherine showed up unexpectedly at Jessa’s place and–after revealing that she still has dreams about cutting her body into little pieces–tried to give her former employee some motherly advice. In her expert opinion, Jessa was getting involved in silly dramas (like flirting with her boss’s husband, for example) to distract herself “from becoming the person you are meant to be. ”.
And who might that be? “She might not look like what you pictured when you were age 16. Her job might not be cool.
Her hair might not be flowing like a mermaid. And she might really be serious about something or someone. And she might be a lot happier than you are right now,” Katherine said. If you take that advice and filter it through the brain of a gal so flaky that she didn’t even show up for her own abortion, you may get a little closer to believing that Jessa would decide to marry somebody like Thomas John, the weird venture capitalist she met TWO WEEKS AGO, in a spontaneous secret ceremony without any members of her family present, save for Cousin Shosh. When Jessa tells Hannah, who is lying on the bathroom floor, “I feel like I am sleeping in a rosebud,” I felt like I was observing someone in the throes of a manic episode. But you know what? It doesn’t really matter. Because the party looks fun, everyone’s dancing to sexually explicit music and a wedding remains a great narrative standby to resolve all of the unsettled issues between various characters on a television show before going on hiatus.
For example, Marnie gets to have the last word with Hannah’s newly gay and highly confrontational ex, Elijah, before walking away in her flowing silky “J-lo at the Grammys ” dress. Charlie then approaches her with an indecent proposal—to have sex in the bathroom. Marnie nearly accepts the offer, before realizing that Charlie might be joking, and that if he was, in fact, joking that would be embarrassing for her. (We also learn in this exchange that Charlie’s new girlfriend, previously described as a “tiny Navajo,” isn’t there because she is live blogging a tortilla soup competition.
The best and most satisfying part about this finale—and there were definitely a lot of good parts—was the fiery interaction between Ray and Shoshanna.
We’ve really missed Shosh’s neuroses ever since she was seen in Episode 8, pants-less and running through the streets of Bushwick after accidentally smoking crack at a party. At the time, Ray was designated by Jessa to be her quasi-babysitter, a role he seemed to take pretty seriously. Standing there on the street—he fully clothed, she only wearing a shirt—we could tell they had insane chemistry. The romantic/comedic possibilities were endless. And here they were again, hanging out by the wall at the wedding, not dancing.
Shosh confesses to Ray that she’s angry because Jessa is her cuz and her BFF and her roomie, and didn’t even have the decency to tell her that she was getting hitched. Had she done so, Shosh wouldn’t be standing there in the middle of a wedding wearing a white dress like an idiot.
“Everyone’s a dumb whore,” she tells Ray, who is confused yet attracted to this wild ball of energy. “You’re the strangest person. You’re so raw and open.
You vibrate on a very strange frequency,” he tells her, to which she responds: “Are you punking me?” They decide to leave together, and if I may invoke Cher Horowitz , Shosh’s virginity is about to go from technical to non-existent. At the same time, Hannah and Adam appear to be drifting apart. As “Halo” plays, Hannah does a cute little Beyonce-inspired dance move. Adam then holds her close to his chest, declaring “We’re in it for the long haul.
” The camera focuses on Hannah’s face, and she looks as though she has just seen the ghost of Hannibal Lecter shimmy by. Adam is ready to take this thing to the next level. He suggested earlier in the episode that maybe he should move in with Hannah, now that Marnie has flown the coop. Unsure whether to be delighted or terrified by this prospect, Hannah chose to convince herself that Adam was not proposing to move in because he is in love with her, but because he feels bad that she needs a roommate and is simply trying to help her pay the rent. So when Elijah runs into Hannah and tells her that he’s living in an apartment with no amenities—he shares a bathroom with junkies and huffers —she offers him Marnie’s room, despite the fact that he also just revealed to her that he was, in fact, the one who gave her a sexually transmitted disease. Hannah, for once, sees the bright side: “We both have HPV already, so that awkward thing is off the table. ” Elijah’s new (and much older) boyfriend, George, happens to be within earshot.
“Now you have it too!” Hannah gleefully tells him. I don’t really know how Hannah expected Adam to react when she told him not to worry about that whole silly moving in thingy because Elijah was going to be her new roommate. Did she think he would just shrug and say, “Great! You’re living with your gay ex-boyfriend who gave you an STD! Maybe we can all watch ‘Glee’ together and eat miniature cupcakes and practice the Alexander Technique ?”. Needless to say, Adam is heartbroken.
He is in love with Hannah and this crazy impromptu wedding is causing him to feel feelings he’s never felt before. Rejected, he storms out of the party. Hannah chases after him with wedding cake wrapped in tin foil.
They get into a verbal brawl in the street. She explains that she is scared, and that her fear is worse than anybody else’s. He’s not buying it. “I am a beautiful f—ing mystery to you,” he tells her, before being hit by a car. Hannah calls an ambulance, but Adam tells the EMS workers not to let her ride to the hospital with him. “She’s a monster,” he says. Meanwhile, Marnie is boozing it up and attempting to be more like Jessa, whose bouquet she happened to catch.
She sees the goofy Officiant standing before the cake, and decides to just go for it. She grabs some cake with her bare hand, shoves it into her mouth, and then grabs the Officiant and and shoves his face into her mouth, too. (Who says you can’t have it all?) At the same moment, Charlie walks out of the bathroom. Yes, Marnie could have been having bathroom sex with her cute ex in that very same bathroom, but here she is with this delish mountain of cake and this shlubby schlemiel. In the denoument, Hannah finds herself alone and exhausted on the F train. Through her potent blend of indecisiveness and solipsism, she has managed to alienate pretty much everybody she knows this season. She wakes up in Coney Island, alone and discovers that she has been robbed, but doesn’t even care.
Handbag-less, Hannah walks alone on the beach, sits down in the sand and calmly unwraps the wedding cake. For a season that opened with Hannah stuffing her face over dinner with her parents, it was a poetic bookend. Hannah has earned her just desserts. What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments. Follow @racheldodes on Twitter. For the latest entertainment news Follow @WSJSpeakeasy.